Deceit Never Ends: Part 3

Standing on top, on the edge,
That earlier conversation floating in my head,
How could I have been so dumb?
Looking down below I want to jump
But that’s not a problem, seriously it’s not
What is important is will I jump or will I not?
Tears and proposing has failed to make her stay,
So this new idea is the only way,
Because today is different, little time to cry, run, or kneel,
The last time I did there were so many thrills,
The drop was exhilarating, making me feel peculiar things,
Today I don’t know what it all means,
Seran’s vision was good, mine was bleary,
Because delving in made me see the bottom as it was and it wasn’t scary,
But then love is like that, it’s plenty of fun
And jumping in even more fun
But relax, it doesn’t mean because I jumped that I want to jump some more
Today is nothing like before.
Like light in a dark room another idea appears in my mind bright like a star
I get off my knees and chase after her..
“Seran wait” I call to her but she just continues walking,
And now I realise it’s time for action, no more talking,
All this while I haven’t been in control,
I have just been going with the flow,
She crosses the road and heads for the bus stop,
And I find myself relating this to that earlier drop,
The idea now is running thick in my brain
I mean, this woman has made me believe again,
I tell her “I’m nothing without you”
Without even looking back Seran  says “I can’t take anymore lies from you”
She’s made me able to trust, able to say and feel more than I can tell,
When I hit this ground of love it didn’t hurt when I fell,
It was painless, revealing, and excitedly rich
Nothing like falling off a bridge,
The air hit my face on the way down and in an odd way I smiled,
Let out my heart and just went wild,
When I fell in love that night, everything was left to wonder,
My interest in mediocre things like music and poetry started to matter,
Memories replaying in my mind, time sort of rewinding,
So now I go over to the tower and somebody says “hey look, he’s climbing”
Seran turns around and stops moving
She sees me going up and says “Damn it Patrick what are you doing?”
This is obviously not a good idea but I love this girl,
Because of her I’ve started to think there’s more to this world,
All of the sudden I can relate to the moon and the sun,
All of the sudden I feel like a teenager and it’s so much fun.
But I was stupid because passion and lust blinded me,
Instead of intriguing me it should have reminded me,
Of Toods, of Kobe, of Bill, of Vera, of Angela, of my father,
How he tore my family apart by cheating on my mother
Well can’t cry over a broken egg, that was then
And now I want to jump again,
“I’m going to jump Seran, unless you take me back” I shout
One step after another going up, not looking back, no time to doubt,
 “Okay we can talk about this, but please just come down from there”
She could understand having me out of her life, but me living this world she just couldn’t bear,
Tears settle around her eyes, so concerned, so worried,
People gather below me and now my climb is hurried,
No closed doors, or air flowing through the ventilation,
This is a different plea; this is a whole new situation,
Standing on top, on the edge of a 30 metre high tower,
That earlier conversation floating in my head and it makes it hard to cower
How could I have been so dumb?
Looking down below I want to jump!
But you know that’s not a problem, seriously it’s not
What is important is will I jump or will I not?
(To Be Continued)
(My Intellect is Loud And Noisy- MILAN)

One thought on “Deceit Never Ends: Part 3

  1. This serial poem stems from an earlier poem “Seran” from my collection “love, birds, and butterflies”. It appears in my other collection of ten stories titled “The mirrors in the boxes”. It also acts as prequel to the really short story “Town Cryer”. It expresses the thoughts and feelings of Patrick, a cheating boyfriend who tries his best to convince his girlfriend Seran to take him back. What he used to rely on to make her stay apparently this day isnt working, so now he proposes marriage to prove his maturity. when that doesnt work, he attempts suicide. while he is at it, he cant help but relate the fall from a tower to falling in love. The poem draws similarities between the two falls and ends with him debaitng whether to jump or not.

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