I laugh about it whenever I remember the events prior. I met him right after coming out of a very toxic relationship; the universe was playing a practical joke on me evidently. He was cheerful, handsome, and lean in custom-made attire. I will admit I watched him the first time at a distance, solemn. I knew right away nothing good would come out of it - me pursuing him that is. For starters he looked a lot like my ex, and that was a problem. Secondly, he was rich and far be it for me to go out with a man that is loaded. They mean nothing but trouble. They tend to be pompous pricks. The kind that spoke condescendingly to you with arms folded. But I liked him; the first time he spoke to me I was intrigued – my mistake. Caught unaware I found myself falling for him. I found myself being a fan of every step he’d make. That wasn’t bad I guess, because he liked me as well. In fact he told me he did even before I revealed the cards that were held close to my chest. That was when it all got messed up as hell. I couldn’t believe he liked me you see; he was beautiful in a class of his own. I just couldn’t get it into my thick skull that he would like me. Well, it turns out he actually did but by the time I realised it there was already somebody else in the picture. Some woman neatly placed herself in his life. By then I was madly, wildly, openly, and completely in love with him and all his features. But our brief thing was done, and he moved on. I didn’t. To make it worse, he left the town empty and I devastated. All my theories he had proved wrong. I realised he was my muse and I had lost him. For the next few years I regretted ever letting him leave. I wrote songs, poems, and stories for him, about him. I was the shuttered artist who had let his masterpiece fall into the pits of fire. That was eight years ago. I had just completed high school. Now I am a woman, then I was a girl. I have never been a liar so I won’t lie. I couldn’t get over him. I will never get over him, but I can let him remain. I held on because there was no one like him. I was scared if I did I would never be able to love again. I never let him go because I was a fool, a girl who kept whining about spilt milk. Well now I can stop. Why? Because I am a woman now, because I love him enough to know he’s a mirage, dressed in fine silk, deified in my mind because I never actually “had” him, let alone figured out. I can move on now because I have found someone, somebody like him but different, better. I have found someone I spend all my day thinking about, someone who makes my heart warm and fuzzy in the most insane way. I have met the smartest man I have ever known and he likes me. I don’t doubt it that for a single day.




(My Intellect’s Loud And Noisy-MILAN)

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