For 2012

Whenever I start something new, like a relationship, job, or project I like to remind myself to let go of the things I have no control over. Sounds cheap right? I thought so when I wrote that line. But seeing that I have no better way of expressing myself right now, what the heck? Things I can’t control turns out to be everything outside myself. That is, when I try to control what other people think, say, do or the circumstances going on around me I find that I waste a lot of time and energy that could have been put to good use. Trying to impress people with a status symbol isn’t a good idea I’ve sadly come to know. The fact is, I have many qualities that should win me the admiration of anyone I desire. The most important in this case is me being myself. So instead of driving myself nuts by trying to be in control of the world (like I’ve been known to do from time to time) I must just concentrate on what is in my control. Things like my dreams, desires, thoughts, words, opinions, and emotions. The rest will take care of itself. I hope you get what I’m trying to say. Because it’s crazy what my mind can create for me sometimes, how my mind allows me to perceive “reality” around me. Rarely do I see clearly “what is” rather than “what should” be or what I want to see… I once fell in love (or was it just emotionally intense lust?) with a mirage, with a girl who became idealised and lifted up on a pedestal…with no imperfections and practically deified. It took a while but I managed to pull myself out of that imaginary hole, am glad I came to my senses and now see otherwise. She’s no princess, just a pretty girl, let alone not a goddess, just a woman. I’m glad I scared the living daylights out of her with my attempted pursuit… which by the way is the last and only time I’ll ever do that!!! I’ve always felt it was the girl’s job to love passionately anyway, not mine. Irony is I’m a hunter who likes to be hunted. This is no apparent disrespect to men though. I just feel I no longer have enough skills and patience as far as being the pursuer is concerned, which is fine by me. I’ll just enjoy my solitude until I catch someone’s attention and she makes me her priority and pursuit! Happy New Year People!!!
(My Intellect is Loud And Noisy-MILAN)

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